Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
