You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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