is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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