please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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