Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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