what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
