i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
