absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
