dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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