dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize