hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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