every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
