They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
