I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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