a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this just has baby written all over it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize