Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
