i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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