does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
