i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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