I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
