I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize