Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
