i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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