You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
