just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
