***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
