all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
