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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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