he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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