i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
