I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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