What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ugly people sure do ruin things
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
