Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
