Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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