vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
