Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
