The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
