i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
