You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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