Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
