my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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