So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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