wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
3pm strippers are depressing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
