I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
