you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
