I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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