So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
