My hand turned me down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
