Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
