i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
