in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
