I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
