gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
