So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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