Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
