I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so let's talk penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
