By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
