also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think i have two assholes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
