Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
