I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
