just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
