What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
