is your mom at the bar?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
