Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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