Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
