I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
