you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
