why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
