Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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