Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
