Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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