I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
