we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
