Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
