I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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