so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
